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June 11, 2004
The Swinging Johnson Brothers Newsletter
Upcoming Events
The Swinging Johnson Brothers Kick-Off Party
The Swinging Johnson Brothers Kick-off party is coming. Yes that's right; a
kickoff party. The Brothers will be holding a party and a show at the Swinging
Johnson Brothers Headquarters in Rialto CA to christen Swinging Johnson Brothers
Productions (A division of Swinging Johnson Unlimited a charitable campaign
giving increased understanding through grants and something-or-other, but I
digress). The party is to take place on Saturday, June 19th starting at 4:00
PM. We will be performing from 7:00 until we decide to get off of the stage.
Or one of us actually passes away, (HEY it’s happened, ask “Slick”
or “Rusty” Johnson they’re dead to us.). This will not be
a family show, so cage up the kiddies at home this time. Once again, the show
is free, but we ask that you bring something to the party. (Drink or eats or
or or A COW) There will be alcohol (Beer) on the premises as well as in the
systems of the Johnson Brothers. It should be interesting (especially if we
somehow get a cow).
The event will be held at:
Juans House if you need directions Email us
info@swingingjohnson.com
Call 909.800.7992 when you get lost.
For directions call 909.800.7992
The Coffee Depot
We still have our regularly scheduled show at the historic Coffee Depot in Riverside,
California.
Our upcoming performance dates are:
6/13 - Coffee Depot-Riverside
6/19 – Johnson Central (The Urethra)-Rialto
6/27 – Coffee Depot- Riverside
7/11 - Coffee Depot- Riverside
7/25 – The White House – Washington DC and Coffee Depot - Riverside
Keep watching for updates and for small animals while driving.
In Case You Were Wondering
Music
As you know, we have been performing original songs as of late. Most recently
they were:
“Female Android” – Henslee, Larson, Nicholson, Weidman
“Sports Center Junkie” – Alcoser, Henslee, Larson, Weidman
“The Lullaby” – Alcoser, Henslee, Weidman
“In the Shed” – Alcoser, Henslee, Larson, Nicholson, Weidman
“The Closing Song” – Alcoser, Henslee, Larson, Weidman
Once again, special thanks go out to Alcoser "The Shiv" Johnson for providing the tunes.
Keep an ear out for:
“Fell Off the Wagon”
“Abduction Blues”
“Second Hand Walrus Kills”
“She’s So Hot”
“Hey Yawl, Watch This!”
“The Backstage of My Heart”
“Gothic Girlfriend”
“Flip-flop Nation”
And more
For a song list or lyrics, e-mail us at:
info@swingingjohnson.com
Look for more songs coming soon
Sing Us a song you’re the Camera Man
Also in case you were wondering, we have a camera man film for us every once
in a while. His name is Rick Vargas. Rick is an armature film maker/preacher.
Juan and Strangling Jack are currently working on a film of his entitled "Them
that Believe." It's a movie about exorcisms and zombies. He is still looking
for more zombies to fill the screen. If you would like to be a zombie in his
feature, e-mail us or call: 909.800.7992
Other News
The First Honorary Swinging Johnson Brother
The Swinging Johnson Brothers do here-by accept David "Silky Johnson"
Chapelle as our first honorary Swinging Johnson Brother. We do this because
of his sick Johnsonesque sense of humor, and more importantly, the ability to
do it with a budget. In our opinion Chapelle's Show is the funniest show on
television. Dave, we solute you the Johnson Brothers way.
Keeping Up with the Johnsons (shouldn’t be hard to do)
The Johnson’s have been up to all kinds of Tom-Foolery since we last checked
in. Moon-Doggie has been having a strain of work related headaches and is now
attempting to recreate the movie, “Office Space.” Stranglin’
Jack has been diligently going to his community service. Juan has graciously
turned his home into a commune for the homeless. Enormous is back in action.
As for Mongo, well he’s been the best darned Mongo he can be.
The gang has kicked up the creativity level once again. The brothers are now
seven songs ahead of schedule. They’ve been working on new games, there
is a stage show (Halfway to Heaven) and a full length feature film (Driving
Bill Crazy) in the works. And Saturday June 19th is the kick-off party for Swinging
Johnson Brothers Productions. The first film project in the works is “Skunk’d.”
That will be shortly followed by, “Speedboat Pirates,” “Leave
it to Johnson,” “Bunny Foo-Foo,” “The Check stand Psychic,”
and “The ‘J’ True Hollywood Story.” Also there will
be music videos to all of The Swinging Johnson Brothers hit songs starting with
“Cock-Eyed Man.”
Also, Moon-Doggie has found the fountain of youth, is rock climbing and is Idolizing
Jack Lelane. Juan just played saxophone for his alma mater’s graduation,
and is quickly becoming a computer tycoon. Stranglin’ Jack just finished
the first “Hardcore Comedy” The Adventures of Timmy & Tommy
the Testicle Twins. He will also be seen in Broken Pictures’ Amor Y Muerte,
where he will be playing The Grim Reaper. To see a trailer, visit www.richardfspencer.com.
Enormous is moving into a commune of his own in Riverside. Don’t forget,
Juan and Stranglin’ Jack work speratic Karaoke shows at GuadalaHarry’s
on Hospitality Lane in San Bernardino.
For more information on the Swinging Johnson Brothers, visit www.swingingjohnson.com.
Or Call: 909.709.6050
Song of the Week
Free Ballin'
(To the tune of "Free Fallin'" By Tom Petty)
I'm a big dude
I don't like constriction
And I work hard
To keep my junk clean
But it pinches
When I get an erection
And it cuts off
The blood to my thing
I don't wear
Man-thongs or boxers
And butt-huggers
Really aren't my thing
I'm gonna free ball
Be a Swinging Johnson Brother
With a testis
Stuck to my skin
(Chorus)
Cause I'm free
I'm free ballin'
Yeah I'm free
I'm free ballin'
I'll be flappin
Whenever I'm runnin'
Won't wear jock straps
When I'm playing sports
I like to chill with
My legs akimbo
And my tip hangin'
Out of my shorts
(Chorus)
It's not my fault
I'm a quarter Scottish
I blame daddy
For the way that I'm built
I want to free ball
Even when it's chilly
I get shrinkage
When I'm wearing my kilt
(Chorus)
Merchandise
The Brothers will be releasing a CD in the near future (And a baby Panda into
the wild), and 2 DVDs in the not-so near future. Check back for release dates.
For now, though, you can buy some singles for just $3.99. Contact us for information.
Also, the new Swinging Johnson Brothers T-Shirts are out, and will soon be available
on our website. We have hats coming too, so stay tuned.
If you would like a copy of any Swinging Johnson Brothers show, contact us and the tape is just $7.00 if we have it.
Episodes
3.14.04 Coffee Depot Show
2.08.04 Coffee Depot Show
Storage USA Show (Poor sound)
-Please excuse the video quality.
If you would like information about booking the Swinging Johnson Brothers,
would like to refer us to a venue, or if you have any questions, please call:
909.709.6050 or 909.800.7992
Or e-mail
info@swingingjohnson.com
-'Till next time,
Keep hanging out.
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